Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
