I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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