2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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