We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
