You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
