Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
