i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
