I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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