I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
