ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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