If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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