well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
