dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
