I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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