I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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