dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
