He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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