did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
