if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
