So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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