New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
