just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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