PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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