I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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