yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
