Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
