Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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