is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I believe in your delicious
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize