it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
