U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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