I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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