Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
