I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
