Plan B is the new Plan A
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
