On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
