Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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