That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
