i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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