4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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