Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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