I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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