i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
