i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize