perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize