i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
