Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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