You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
