I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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