Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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