I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
