Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
