batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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