nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
