I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
