I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
