how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
