Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
don't judge my taste in strippers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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