So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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