Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
