i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
