i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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