these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
