Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
