my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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